Patience

I’m sure you all are just dying to know what happen at my doctor’s appointment on Friday…

Over all it went really well. I still hadn’t started my period by the time of my appointment so the first thing they wanted to do is take a urine pregnancy test. It came back negative. Of course my heart dropped. Even though I tried to hide it I’m sure my doctor saw my disappointment in my eyes, because right after he told me it could still be too early to detect the pregnancy hormone. It didn’t help that the test was taken in the afternoon and it is better to take them first thing in the morning. He also informed me that since one of the medications I was taking was to help induce a period it was more likely that Monday (today) was closer to the day that I would start my new cycle if not pregnant. However he was extremely happy that I had got a positive ovulation test. I asked him if there was any way I could get a false positive because of the medicine. No. That is a relief, which means it is most likely the medicine did work in the very first month. This is great news and it made me more hopeful.

Since the pregnancy test was negative he did a vaginal ultra sound to make sure that cysts were not forming in my ovaries. He took pictures of my uterus and ovaries and luckily no big cysts! There are a bunch of little ones but that is normal. He did say that the lining of my uterus was a little thicker than normal, a good sign of being pregnant, but also could just be because I wasn’t ovulating for so long. Now all I can do is wait. I still haven’t started my period but have been cramping on and off since Thursday, each day feeling more and more like normal cramps and happening more and more often. Even though I try to be positive it’s hard. It’s easier to think that I will start any day and we will try again next month like so many times before. That way I can prep myself for the disappointment before it actually happens. It doesn’t break my heart as much then. I know I say this a lot and for how many times I have gone through this you would think I would learn and it would be different, but if you have ever wanted something as bad as we want a baby you would know exactly what this is like, especially when you can’t do anything about it.

I know one day our time will come, and we are learning the really hard lesson of patience, but I’m done with it. I have learned a lot and know that when we finally do get pregnant and have a child we will cherish every part of the experience even more. I get it, and even though the thought still scares me to death, I promise I will embrace every second of it all, even if I don’t like it. We still have to wait another 9 months even after we find out were expecting so please just let us start the process soon. We want the end reward now more than ever, our beautiful baby.

For now we have no choice but to continue to wait…