Positive Thinking

Since Jeff and I have had a lot more time to think and research all of options we have come to one big decision. Not that it matters yet, and I hope it never comes to this but we will not do IVF.  For some people this is a great option and I am not trying to say that it is a bad decision by any means it is just not for us. We (mostly me) have decided that this is where we draw the line of us having our own children. I am not against IVF, but for us it’s just not worth it. Maybe it directly relates to my desire to adopt a child but if it comes down to it that is where we would spend our money.

If we were wealthy and money wasn’t an issue maybe our decision would be different. I just don’t see the point in spending so much money (a lot of times much more than what adoption cost) without even the guarantee of ending up with a child at the end of it. Especially because of how strongly I feel about adoption I really don’t see how this is practical. We both want to be parents so bad that ultimately this means way more to us then having our own. Even if we end up with our own children I hope that one day we are still able to adopt.    

More than anything I just want this medication to work. I know I should not be this hopeful with how many times I have had my heart broken month after month but I am. I try and try not to get all worked up but I can’t help it. They say you just know when you are pregnant but for me at least this is not true. I have ‘known’ I was pregnant at least a dozen times all of which of course was not true. I’ve been told your body can actually mimic the signs of pregnancy. This usually happens to women who want to have a baby so bad that their mind actually tricks their body into thinking it’s pregnant. It has happened to me multiple times. Each time I wait longer and longer to take a test, and yet every time I cave in and take a pregnancy test, I see that it is negative and I start my cycle within 24 hours. Maybe once I am pregnant I will see that this was all a trick and you really do just know but until that happens I just can’t trust my body. I am hoping that even if I am just setting myself up for heart break, that my positive thinking and hopefulness will help me get pregnant that much quicker. I guess only time will tell…