I know
lately I have not been writing as much. If you have read my two previous blogs
you know that Jeff and I have been crazy busy this summer. Also in June I
promised to start posting about everything going on in our life. Don’t worry
that’s not going to change and I promise, I have been a lot more content with
our infertility journey. However, no matter my outlook infertility is still
extremely hard and it is a daily struggle. For anyone who has not gone through
infertility this is hard to imagine. Before Jeff and I started this battle I
had no idea how much it can affect your life, seriously EVERY SINGLE DAY! I
know this sounds extreme and quite frankly hard to believe, but it does. As I
have said before and with almost all struggles in life some days are better
than others. Since my epiphany in June I have really done well shifting my
emotions and mental state into a more positive light. Now I have come to some
cross roads and I’m not really sure where to go from here.
I have
thought about it a lot and even though we have been trying for over 3 years,
I’m not ready to do anything more, medically at least, then what we are doing
now. I just don’t feel like I should force this on my body. There are so many
more things we can try that honestly could work. A lot of them involve hundreds
to thousands of dollars but even money aside I just feel uneasy about it. Some
of it might be that we don’t have 10's of thousands just sitting around in a bank
account screaming to be spent, but even though I can’t fully explain why, mostly
it’s just that for some reason it doesn’t feel right. For now at least, I
really don’t think we should go down that road.
I have
found some other options that I do feel good about. Instead of doing anything
more on the medical side of things, I think it is best if we focus on the
emotional side for a while. Mostly I want to concentrate on stress management.
I want to empower myself, and sync up both my mind and body. I am going to eat
a better more balanced diet, drink way more water, and just take better general
care of myself. It’s not like I am horrible at this but I could defiantly do
better. I have also found out some new
information on Fertility Yoga that I want to try. Depending on what week in
your cycle you are in they will have you do curtain poses that will help your
body during that time. It is known to increase circulation to the reproductive
organs, balance hormones and reduce stress. Also I am going to start
acupuncture for fertility. It includes both acupuncture and herbal therapy.
Between all of this I really think it will at least help calm my mind and defiantly
help get me more centered. Even if it doesn’t help get me pregnant in will at
least make me a little healthier.
Honestly
I am not 100% sure but I’m pretty positive I have not cried about our situation
in months. Even before my big break through. I no longer have the pain heat up
in my chest or feel the twinge inside the pit of my stomach when I am in anyway
exposed to babies or pregnant women. I won’t lie, I am still jealous but no longer
do I feel the negative resentment I used to.
What I came to realize is who am I to decide if we deserve it just as much or more than
they do. I have no idea what their story
is, how long they have been trying or how they became pregnant. Maybe they have
been trying for 10 years and they are finally pregnant. Maybe they are a
segregate for someone else who can’t have children. Maybe they weren’t trying but the child will
change their life for the better or have a huge effect on the world but
wouldn’t have if born to a different family. Even in my situation stories like
that have always warmed my heart and made me smile. I have no idea what is
behind that door, so why have negative thoughts about it or let it get me down.
Hopefully one day Jeff and I will be one of those happy stories.
